City Blue Year, Everybody!: It was suggested I give this a read, and I quite enjoyed it: Gregory’s iPhone Contract by Janell Burley Hofmann →
Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person – preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear – including a bad reputation.
13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO – fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone. Merry Christmas!
I NEED to share with you something cool I found!
I NEED to share with you something I JUST found out about!
I’m getting spare cash simply by doing surveys for big corporations that spend LOTS to learn about people like us so they can put the right products on their store shelves.
Im earning $25 - $65 for each survey and they barely take a few minutes to complete. And you can do these surveys from just about anywhere in the world you’ve wished to travel! :-)
I want to share with you something cool I found!
I want to show you a really cool thing I found!
I’m getting an awesome side-income just by taking surveys for big companies that spend so much to learn about you and me to know what we want to buy in their stores.
I’m getting paid $10 - $90 for every survey I complete and they only take like 5 minutes to finish. And you can do these surveys from anywhere in the world you’ve wanted to go! :))
I want to show you something I JUST found out about!
I want to show you a really cool thing I found!
Im earning great spare money simply by doing surveys for large companies that spend so much to learn about you and me so they know what we want to buy in their stores.
I’m getting $25 - $75 per survey and they barely take a few minutes to finish one. And you can do this from anywhere in the world you’ve wanted to go! :-)
I HAVE to show you a really cool thing I found!
I NEED to share with you something REALLY awesome I discovered!
Im making a comfortable side-income just by doing surveys for big corporations that pay TONS to learn more about me and you to know what it is we want in their stores when we’re there.
I’m getting $10 - $65 for any surveys I do and they barely take a few minutes to get done. And you can do these surveys from anywhere in the world you’ve wanted to go! :)
- Television: In the criminal justice system--
- Me: SEXUALLY-BASED DEFENSES ARE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS. IN NEW YORK CITY, THE DEDICATED DETECTIVES WHO INVESTIGATE THESE VICIOUS FELONIES ARE MEMBERS OF AN ELITE SQUAD KNOWN AS THE SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES. DUN DUN
Shower head that turns water rainbow colors
Bath tiles that change color according to heat
Don’t take a shower if you’re on any kind of hallucinatory drugs ;)
MY KIND OF SHOWER RIGHT THERE
I WANT TO BATHE IN RAINBOW WATER HOLY SHIT WHY CAN’T I OWN THIS
that is hilarious